King John's Christmas

  King John ruled England from 1199 until 1216. He was the youngest of the four surviving sons of King Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine. Nicknamed John Lackland because he was never expected to rule, he became king upon the death of his brother, Richard the Lionhearted.  However, he was unpopular as a ruler after losing most of his possessions in Normandy, Anjou, Maine, and Poitou. At the end of his reign he had to deal with the baronial revolt, which led him to sign the Magna Carta, a document considered an early step in the evolution of the constitution of the United Kingdom.

King John's misfortunes and unpopularity are evident in the poem "King John’s Christmas". It is one of the 36 verses included in the book Now We are Six, all composed by A.A.Milne  and published in 1927. 

King John's Christmas

King John was not a good man --

He had his little ways.

And sometimes no one spoke to him

For days and days and days.

And men who came across him,

When walking in the town,

Gave him a supercilious stare,

Or passed with noses in the air --

And bad King John stood dumbly there,

Blushing beneath his crown.

King John was not a good man,

And no good friends had he.

He stayed in every afternoon...

But no one came to tea.

And, round about December,

The cards upon his shelf

Which wished him lots of Christmas cheer,

And fortune in the coming year,

Were never from his near and dear,

But only from himself.

King John was not a good man,

Yet had his hopes and fears.

They'd given him no present now

For years and years and years.

But every year at Christmas,

While minstrels stood about,

Collecting tribute from the young

For all the songs they might have sung,

He stole away upstairs and hung

A hopeful stocking out.

King John was not a good man,

He lived his live aloof;

Alone he thought a message out

While climbing up the roof.

He wrote it down and propped it

Against the chimney stack:

"TO ALL AND SUNDRY - NEAR AND FAR -

F. Christmas in particular."

And signed it not "Johannes R."

But very humbly, "Jack."

"I want some crackers,

And I want some candy;

I think a box of chocolates

Would come in handy;

I don't mind oranges,

I do like nuts!

And I SHOULD like a pocket-knife

That really cuts.

And, oh! Father Christmas, if you love me at all,

Bring me a big, red, india-rubber ball!"

King John was not a good man --

He wrote this message out,

And gat him to this room again,

Descending by the spout.

And all that night he lay there,

A prey to hopes and fears.

"I think that's him a-coming now!"

(Anxiety bedewed his brow.)

"He'll bring one present, anyhow --

The first I had for years."

"Forget about the crackers,

And forget the candy;

I'm sure a box of chocolates

Would never come in handy;

I don't like oranges,

I don't want nuts,

And I HAVE got a pocket-knife

That almost cuts.

But, oh! Father Christmas, if you love me at all,

Bring me a big, red, india-rubber ball!"

King John was not a good man,

Next morning when the sun

Rose up to tell a waiting world

That Christmas had begun,

And people seized their stockings,

And opened them with glee,

And crackers, toys and games appeared,

And lips with sticky sweets were smeared,

King John said grimly: "As I feared,

Nothing again for me!"

"I did want crackers,

And I did want candy;

I know a box of chocolates

Would come in handy;

I do love oranges,

I did want nuts!

And, oh! if Father Christmas, had loved me at all,

He would have brought a big, red,

india-rubber ball!"

King John stood by the window,

And frowned to see below

The happy bands of boys and girls

All playing in the snow.

A while he stood there watching,

And envying them all ...

When through the window big and red

There hurtled by his royal head,

And bounced and fell upon the bed,

An india-rubber ball!

AND, OH, FATHER CHRISTMAS,

MY BLESSINGS ON YOU FALL

FOR BRINGING HIM

A BIG, RED,

INDIA-RUBBER

BALL!

A. A. Milne